Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
