My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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