Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
