so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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