when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
