Hey man sorry I got all grabby
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
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