I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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