Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
