Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
