Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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