Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
