bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
