Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
