Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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