I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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