I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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