i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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