Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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