Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
