I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
