nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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