I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
