Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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