Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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