Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
