the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
