Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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