we're chasing vodka with high fives
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
did you just send me my own nude
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
