Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
