Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
