i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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