what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
