WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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