wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
