We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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