I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Randomize
