I can tuck mytits in my pants
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
