Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
