It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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