sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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