There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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