no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
