Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
