I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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