Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
