I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
