I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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