you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
