So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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