how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
