im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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