4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
