i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
