You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
